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Emily Lester, the child molester :)
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[06 Jan 2008|11:20pm] |
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Staind |
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I know no one reads this anymore, but this is how i feel these days.....
this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i've shared
and these are my dreams
that i'd never lived before
somebody shake me
cuz i
i must be sleeping
[chorus]
now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all in the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashambed to be the person that i am today
these are my words
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody shake me cuz i
i must be sleeping
[chorus]
i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of waking
please don't shake me
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(who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[25 Mar 2006|10:19am] |
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bitch, you know im crazy. you talk about how crazy i am. DONT FUCK WITH ME. I ALWAYS HAVE THE LAST LAUGH. FUCK WITH ME. COME TO MY FUCKING HOUSE AGAIN, BITCH.
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(4 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[12 Jan 2006|08:04pm] |
all i have now are memories.
all i have left of him is a shirt, a few funeral cards, and memories.
i miss him so much.
who would've known this would be so hard...
ive lost a bother.
hes gone, and i cant take it.
R.I.P.
KYLE RICHARD BELEVENDER.
i love you, and i hope your in a better place now.
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(who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[18 Dec 2005|02:39pm] |
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hit the lights |
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i love him.
i think i really love him.
is that bad?
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(who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| this needs to be translated. |
[28 Nov 2005|06:02am] |
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mineral |
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its been a while.
nothings getting better for me,
just worse.
i miss my alfonzo,
and i miss my locked up love bucket.
i feel like im notihng to her when shes everything thats missing in me,
and more than anything,
i feel incomplete without either of them.
i wish i could take back all the things ive said or done that upset her,
because maybe then id still have my best friend.
thats all i need,
and i sware to god that ill never, ever be sad again.
im going to marry you, ken.
im going to marry you in that prison chapel,
just like we talked about.
on the day of my 18th birthday ill be there ready to commit my life to you.
your worth it.
i love you, baby, always and forever.
and for you, little missy...
well,
one of these days ill get up enough courage to call you.
your my best friend,
and have been for almost 6 years.
i dont care how long its been since we've talked,
your always going to be my number one...
even if im not yours.
ill admit,
your berkley friends are way cooler then me & alot less sheltered,
but take a second to remember all the fun we've had together...
you complete me, jaclyn.
without you im like a cake with no frosting,
and honestly...
who eats cake without frosting??
so what do you say...
lets make plans to hang out this weekend and actually pursue them.
please?
we owe it to ourselves.
theres no better vacation then re- untiting with your best friend,
and i desperatly need a vacation.
so what do you say?
lets try this once again...
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(2 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| is this laguna beach or lake orion? because this stuff only happens on t.v.... |
[27 Oct 2005|10:17am] |
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mariah carey |
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first off, just know im smiling from ear to ear.
i wake up & look out my window, and there was this shiny, silver, long thing hanging from my mailbox. i got really confused trying to guess what it was, so i finaaly went to go check it out after like, 10 minutes of staring and wondering. inside of the bag was a card that had my name on it, and one red rose.
the card said:
(front)it has a FAT cat and an empty plate:
In times of crisis and acute stress...
(Inside):
... never underestimate the power of eating an entire pan of brownies as a source of strength and courage.
then he/she wrote dont worry...
...be happy!!! and wrote a smiley face with its toung out.
i dont think ive felt this good since brian goodwill brought me flowers when ken cheated on me.
god, this feels so good!
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(4 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| FUCK YOU CHRISSY. |
[25 Oct 2005|01:20pm] |
DONT FUCKING TELL ME "GO POP SOME ADDIES" AND TELL ME THAT YOUR LIFE IS ON TRACK. BY THE LOOK OF THINGS, YOUR NOT AS GOOD OFF AS YOU PRETEND TO BE. AND TRY TO COME BEAT MY ASS!!! ILL LET YOU HAVE IT EASY. YOU SWING FIRST. YOU SWING SECOND. YOU CAN HIT ME AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT, I WILL NOT HIT BACK. SO COME DO IT, MISS BAD ASS. YOUR THE ONE FUCKED WITH COPS RIGHT NOW. IM NOT. LETS SEE HOW THEY DEAL WITH IT.
SO HERES YOUR INVITATION. IM CALLING YOU OUT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, YOU DECIDE.
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(3 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[25 Oct 2005|10:26am] |
So..
i guess its like this..
i need somewhere to stay for a little while.
im homeless, kicked out, and hated.
ive done this all before though, so ill get through.
sleeping on couches,
floors,
park playgrounds.
shit,
if anything happens to me,
just know that it was meant to be.
drama, drama, drama.
it kills.
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(who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[20 Oct 2005|08:38am] |
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 indescribable |
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everytime i think it cant get worse...
i find myself in the corner of the high school bathroom, crying.
everytime i think ive reached the end of my rope...
life hands me a big plate of honesty and pain.
everytime i feel good...
its because im so fucking hidden by all these fucking pills.
everytime i try to fix things...
nothing is fixable.
friendships come and go. im the one who will be severly hurt with every friendship i come into. so i say fuck it. why even make friends, let alone try to keep any i have at this moment? im not going to. i cant be the person trying to please everyone anymore. i cant be the one who becomes attached to everyone i fucking talk to. im not going to put myself out in the open anymore. im not going to be the person i was before.
so if i know you and your reading this, take my advice...
dont fucking act like your going to be my friend and shit. i know you dont give a fucking shit about me, and im not going to continue caring about people who could give a shit less.
whatever.
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(2 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| nobody read this. youll take it the wrong way. |
[11 Oct 2005|08:10am] |
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chris hill<3<3<3<3 |
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sooo.
this is weird, oh so weird.
yesterday i bought some weed from this kid.
it turns out there was possibly crack in it.
he said there was, then when i started flipping out he denyed it.
WHAT THE FUCK.
i feel so weird.
but good.
very good.
this music is SO FUCKING AMAZING.
my ears have never heard anything this beautiful before.
except for all the other times ive listned to this.
but especially now.
oh god.
CHRIS HILL, I WANT TO MARRY YOU.
its so true.
oh god, now im crying.
because of this song:
"Too Callous to Feel The Pain "
And I knew you far too well, I think thats when things got out of hand. My late night drives are never quite as nice, I feel so lonely sitting in my car, driving through these back roads. Your the only one I think about. Your in my thoughts and in my heart. I wish I could forget you tonight. My days are short, and nights are long. I can't seem to sleep anymore, but hey were still friends. And the snows falling outside, and I think of the time, and the snows falling outside and I think of the time... that I want to forget. And I am cold and callous, and I am free of sympathy. my tears are dry and empty. My heart is stone, thanks to you! And now I don't need you anymore, you taught me well how to deal with sadness and everything else that comes with being in love. And I am cold and callous, and I am free of sympathy my tears are dry and empty, and some how I still feel everything. I still feel you. ::ENDing:: You promised that you would never, you always said that you would always be there, but your not! but your not! but your not! Sometimes I think that you don't even miss me, but its okay because I don't miss you anymore.
i miss my boyfriend.
or, ex boyfriend, whatever.
i miss him.
shit, sorry for all that. im either really high, or crazy.
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(2 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| TO JACLYN ANITA HERFORD. |
[06 Oct 2005|08:10am] |
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Whats up gurrrllll??
Okay, this is all for you.
Im not sure what i want to say, or how im going to say it, but theres things i need to say. first of all, i love you more than anything, and i miss you so fucking much. i still consider you my best friend, even though its been so long. i still think about you every single day, and ive spent so many days sitting alone, crying, wondering where everything went wrong. I remember the day when we reliazed that Sydney and Addie moved on, and we swore that we'd NEVER EVER do that to each other. we swore that we'd always stick it out through anything, no matter what else comes along.
i was crying to my mom about you on saturday, and all she said was that if we were true friends nothing could come between us, not even a year of not talking. then i said something about megan and how i hated that she took my place, and she said that you were just trying to see if there was somekind of better friendship out there, but if we really are best, best friends like we say, no one can take that from us and we'll be back to the way we were like nothing ever happened. thats what i want more than anything else right now. fuck everything else that happens in my life... all i want is my best friend back, and our friendship to be as close as it was before, which i know we can do.
i know we live far from each other and whatever, but when i get my car, ill spend every dollar i get on gas money to come see you as much as i possibly can. annddd youll have a car too!! i can stay at your house every weekend/break/days we dont have school at your house like i used to, and we can have our every once in a while weekends in lake orion.
i need to work on not getting so jealous, because thats one of the biggest things that hurt us. i just dont want to loose you ever again, because this whole situation killed me.
i know we can do this, jaclyn. i want this more than anything, and ill do whatever it takes to be "Jaclyn and Emily" again. i love being known as 'jaclyns best friend' whenever im in berkley. i want that title back!! :/ I miss all of our exciting and hilarious times we used to have, and i want to have more of them. those were the things i lived for, and i want to start living again...
i love you jaclyn, and i miss you more than words could ever express. i know you miss me too, so we gotta make this work. that really sweet apartment we always talked about is still waiting for us, so we have to work at this!! just think of it... our apartment.. huuukas, bings, 40'z, boy sleep overs, anddd girl sleep overs ;) haha. but seriosly, we have to do that still. your the only person id be able to live with, so i need you!!!! haha. maybe some day we'll find SIMON, and he'll move in too! haha.
I LOVE YOU.
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(5 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[27 Sep 2005|02:08pm] |
when is this whole "scene" thing gonna end?
its getting really old, and really annoying.
its funny though, because there all like, 'haha, scene kids are gay', but really... there the fuckers with the fucking camo everything, tight pants, bad attitudes, and piggybanks full of "show" money. they need to grow up, and get a fucking life. scene isnt being different, ITS ALL ABOUT BEING JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
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(2 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| Oh god, here i go again. |
[23 Sep 2005|03:40pm] |
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rise against |
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so i figured out the secret to being smart last night. its something ive never really done before, at least not in a loonnnngggg time. its called studying, and man, that shit really works! i studied for my history test last night, and guess what i got on it??? an A+! i got every single question right, and got mad props from our sub on how good i did. he was like, 'emily.. why do you go to cerc? you dont seem like you need to be here. your the only person in this class whos actually doing work.' man, i rule and stuff.
gosh, today was so good. i was so stressed this morning cause i talked to chrissy online last night, then this morning, and right away she was already trying to piss me off, even though we called truce. were suposed to be cool and stuff, so i tried casually talking to her considering she was the only one on at 6 this morning.
my away message before we talked said like.. this morning sucks, its gonna be a lonng day. i have a feeling im gonna need to take an adderal to deal with these kids at school.
so she got on and i told her that i was really tired, cause i couldnt fall asleep till late last night, and she was like "yeah, im tired too. at least im not going to be all depressed today." i was like "im not either... im just upset right now cause i got about an hour of sleep, and im always cranky before school.." and she was like, "Oh."
GOD SHES SUCH A WITCH.
even though she knows how much i like jared, she sat on the phone last night and told me how she did stuff with him last saturday, and how much they flirted all night and shit. it makes me so mad. this is why i want nothing to do with her, for all of you who dont agree with us not being friends. thats the shit she does to me every single time we talk. EVERY SINGLE TIME. i feel so stupid for not hurting her feelings all the time like she did to me. i NEVER told her what people truthfully say about her or whatever becuase i didnt want to make her feel bad. our whole friendship i had to lie about why people wouldnt hang out with her, or tell her the opposite of what people say behind her back. theres so much shit i could have been up front about, but i couldnt do that to her. i felt to bad doing it. even though shed tell me every single negative thing possible to try to make me mad or jealous, i never tried to hurt her back. and even though this sounds harsh and immature, i kinda wish i would have told her the truth & made her jealous so she knew how it felt. but like, the few times that i did do that, shed just come back at me even worse.
the whole situation makes me so upset. i honestly wish i would have never ever met her. i mean, yeah she helped me through alot of tough times, but alot of those bad things were caused by her. i dont know what to do. i just want to cut her away from my life completely. shes the only thing that really brings me down or makes me mad.
itll happen sooner or later. until then, im just going to swing life away and keep on truckin'. <3
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(who wants cheeseburgers?)
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| the worst is over now. |
[22 Sep 2005|08:09am] |
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311 |
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this is crazy.
ive been completely happy for 3 weeks now. no drugs, just life. like my subject, the worst is over now. not being friends with chrissy is the coolest. i have no stresses now. shes trying to get EVERYONE to hate me, but lucky enough, everyone loves me:) haha. but yeah. i think its really immmature what shes doing, but thats all her. at least i dont go down to her level. i havent talked shit about her besides that what shes doing is stupid, but other then that... i dont say anything about her. im the bigger person in the situation.:)
you know how i said i was gonna start being a better kid?? welll....
ITS WORKING!
im doing amazing in school for the first time since 4th grade, which is AWESOME. im so proud of myself, its retarded.
i havent been drunk in over a month, i dont smoke that much pot anymore and when i do, its just mike and i hanging out smoking a joint.
GUESS HOW LONG ITS BEEN SINCE MY DAD AND I GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT OR FIGHT????!
4 days!
just kidding. ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS AND 1 DAY! how cool is that?
overall, everything is SO amazing. i cant belive how long ive been happy. its so crazy, dude! not having any stress besides school is so sweet. not having a best friend who brings me down every single day is like having a million tons of weight lifted off my sholders. anddd me and jared... well, its so possible. if you know him, your probabally thinking, "emily, dont do that to yourself", but honestly, he treats me sooooo different then anyone else. he cares about me like no one else. i feel special when im around him.
i thought only having 2 people to chill with would suck, but i was SO wrong. i love it so much. jared and mike are my wonderwalls, dude. i mean, i just met jared like 3 months ago, but ive known mike for 10 years... more then half my life. thats a good friendship if you ask me. plus 3 years of dating (even though i was like, 8, haha) is pretty cool too. if the world suddenly ended right now and mike & i were the only people left on earth, id be totally stoaked.
but anyways. ill quit borring you now. sorry about all that. it needed to get out, you know?
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(10 grease patties | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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[12 Sep 2005|09:49am] |
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311- dont dwell (thanks to tara) |
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oh my god.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
finally chrissy and i go our seperate ways, and im upset about it.
i dont even know why im so upset.
its not all chrissy.
i think i miss ken, A LOT.
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(1 grease pattie | who wants cheeseburgers?)
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werestillyoung's journal
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